the joy of cheesecake

by bezzle

This book gives me the giggles.  It’s full of dry humour, especially for a recipe book.

…Perhaps you have been held back by the notion that anything that tastes so good must be awfully difficult to make.  Cheesefeathers!  Most cheesecakes are really quite easy to make…

“…If you beat the egg whites too long, their structure will collapse and the whites will begin to reliquify.  At this point, all is lost; they will not rise again.  Sneak them into an omelette, mash them in with the dog chow, or use them in a pommade for your hair if you like, but do not try to use them in a cheescake.  Start over.

Basic pie crust: …Another way is to place the crackers in a sturdy plastic bag and roll the bag on a bread board with a rolling pin.  This works well and also satisfies certain atavistic urges that might otherwise be expressed in less socially accepted ways.  In any event, remember that you want crumbs, not flour.

…High humidity is the enemy of meringues.  It will make your meringue weep and go limp.”

Chimpanzee cheesecake:  Your friends will go ape over this one.  The flavour of bananas is subtle but pervasive.  If you want a more pronounced banana taste, you’ll have to monkey with the recipe a bit…”

Eight eggs!  Your guest will crow over this one.  After a second helping, they will also sprout feathers and start laying eggs…

French cheesecake: The smoothest, richest, creamiest melt-in-your-mouth cheesecake ever…every bite is ecstasy.  To paraphrase J. P. Morgan, if you have to ask you much it costs, you can’t afford to make it, and if you have to ask how many calories it has per slice, then you can’t afford to eat it.  French double- and triple-crèmes are available in cheese specialty shops.  They cost an arm and a leg.