i need a hug ):

by car.

today reeli sucks.

thank goodness i didnt have work today, otherwise it would’ve been even worse.

had to go badminton with rest of family, since i dont have musical anymore, and MY LAPTOP DIED ON ME D: so no hw excuse either =/

it was nice playing for a while…. but my right arm feels very stiff now

on the way to badminton, i found out that we were gonna have dinner with my parent’s cell group from their church… from then till now, i have been severely subdued… and not in the best emotional state, generally.

why? multiple reasons. the first one being that me and my sis were gonna be eating dinner with them. it means hours of just sitting there and maybe talking with my sister. stoning, but worse. i left their church in yr 6… as far as i know, they remember me, and prob still think of me as a nice, smart girl who got into ruse. it is just so darn AWKWARD. i dont reeli know them that well anyway. which leads us back to me just sitting there for hours, while their kids all talk to each other and the parents talk. i hate it when we meet up with them. like the day we went up to kiama. most pointless day ever, except for the fact that i got bezzle’s prezzie up there. i barely spoke a word all day. A WHOLE DAY. that’s even worse than stoning at skool.

i wish we had family friends who have a daughter my age. they are mostly all younger than me, so they got along with my sister, or a lot older than me.

so i was so pissed when they mentioned having dinner with their cell group. i dont know why i reacted so much to it. i didnt scream or anything… but i wish i did, coz maybe then they’d understand me. no, my mum just comes upstairs and asks me why i was in this mood, and why is it affecting me so much more than my sister. hullo, my sister barely knows anyone at that church, and they certainly remember me more than they remember her.

then got lectured about the fact that “i cant have everything i want in life – i cant avoid things that i dont want to do”. of course i know that. ive been tossing up between going to that dinner or not. whether to just accept the fact that they told my sister we were going ages ago, and they only told me now, coz they knew i was gonna react that way. i guess they understand me that much, but they dont even know why i dont like going. i hate it when ppl assume things about me.

but i think the main reason im in this mood is because ive just realised exactly how distant im becoming from the rest of my family. i’d much rather hang out with church friends than be with my family (im not referring to the whole religious thing, but i feel like i have so much more in common with church friends than skool friends.) i just realised… ive never actually sed ‘no’ to something my parents tell me to do. i’ve never reeli disobeyed them… at least as far as i can remember…

i feel seriously depressed.