ACHTUNG deep stuff!

by bezzle

lately the paranoia meme (10 people, write your candid feelings about them?) has been making the rounds, not to mention the spectacular love meme (see below).  so this got me thinking.

never going to do that again, at least not at half past eleven when i’m prone to bouts of insomnia.

anyway, i’ve decided not to do that meme as i don’t know that many people that well, and it would be glaringly obvious if i did post my real feelings towards them. 

and you guys who have done it, you’re realising that you should have told these people these things all along.

so instead, i’m just going to analyse myself.  because that will lead to a better understanding of myself, etc.  and maybe, just maybe, you will get to understand me more.

Myers-Briggs personality type:

INTP: seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them.  Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction.  Quiet, contained, flexible and adaptable.  Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest.  Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.

okay, i’m an introvert.  i generally avoid talking to people, i am a bit of a loner.  places like the canteen at school, i just don’t have the initiative/guts to start talking to a group of people.  but that doesn’t mean i like my own company.  and what our school counsellor said about introverts thinking before they act?  it is totally true.  for me, at any rate.

i once thought of it this way.  you know how your brain is divided in two halves?  in mine, i think one half controls what i’m about to say, while the other simultaneously is analysing it.   this half is almost always analysing other things.  what people are trying to say when they talk to me and their actions.  i’d like to think i’m logical, but sometimes, on the small things, i’m not.

i’m really sorry to say this, but no matter how attached i am to you as a friend, i probably haven’t given myself to you.  i haven’t opened up, told you whatever was in my mind, trusted you without a doubt.  perhaps the analytical part of my brain prevents me from doing this, or i keep everything to myself.

i can be very childish sometimes, even if i don’t realise it.  i am extremely self-conscious and self doubting, but i don’t have low self-esteem.  in fact, i probably have a rather high one.

i think in prose.  my thoughts are exactly what they are written down and i like using big words.

i’m supposed to feel vulnerable after baring my soul to the world out there, right?  i don’t.  because i don’t even understand myself very well.

i should never think after eleven again.