i herped so much that i derped

by cloudier

A few months ago two friends and I decided to do something interesting. We live in a relatively small town. Not tiny, but small. On OkCupid we saw about 30 women from here, but they would not respond often. So we decided to create 50 fake accounts, all of them beautiful women that would divert attention. We meticulously constructed the profiles to look authentic. Then came the day to set everything in motion. My two friends operated the 50 accounts while I found the prettiest (real) woman I could and after a while decided to hit on her.

It worked. With everyone, particularly the hunks, occupied with fake women I secured a date with a woman who was most certainly out of my league. Two dates. Sex. Still seeing her, but wouldn’t want her or anyone else to know about how I got her.

I’m planning on automating this with some coding in the future so it will scale for when I’m in a small city or something.

To the ones questioning the morality of it I guess I’ll jokingly say all is fair in love and war!

[related: I am my own OKCupid wingman]

I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I’ll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it’s true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don’t want people to wonder why I did this. Since I’ve never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely draw the wrong conclusions.

My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn’t use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it’s less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.

I’d also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they’re dead—one with less hatred and intolerance.

If you’re unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.

They live in a black and white reality they’ve constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don’t understand that good and decent people exist all around us, “saved” or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.

A random example:

“I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist.” – George Zeller, August 24, 2010.

If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molestors go to Heaven (as long as they were “saved” at some point), that’s your choice, but it’s fucked up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, fuck Him.

Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.

Wow. That gave me insight into the emotional damage that child molestation victims sustain as well as how religion affects their healing process. I have no sympathy for pedophiles now – before reading this letter, I did not understand that being molested as a child affects your ability emotionally connect and be intimate with another person in an extremely invasive manner.
However, this doesn’t change my stance on the internet filter. A greater understanding of sexual fetishism would enable better prevention of fetishes which are intrinsically exploitative. The payoff from an inefficient and easily circumvented filter is not worth the cost.
  • salon: Joe Lieberman emulates Chinese dictators – Great commentary on Wikileaks, Cablegate etc. – it shines light on the relationship between US corporations and politicians and the state of journalism in America, which gives context to the goal of Wikileaks. It sounds almost like a conspiracy theory, which is quite terrifying. It is an easily digestible read.

Talking Points Memo — in an article headlined: “How Lieberman Got Amazon To Drop Wikileaks” — detailed that Lieberman’s “staffers . . .called Amazon to ask about it, and left questions with a press secretary including, ‘Are there plans to take the site down?'” Shortly thereafter, “Amazon called them back . . . to say they had kicked Wikileaks off.”  Lieberman’s spokeswoman said: “Sen. Lieberman hopes that the Amazon case will send the message to other companies that might host Wikileaks that it would be irresponsible to host the site.”

That Joe Lieberman is abusing his position as Homeland Security Chairman to thuggishly dictate to private companies which websites they should and should not host — and, more important, what you can and cannot read on the Internet — is one of the most pernicious acts by a U.S. Senator in quite some time.   Josh Marshall wrote yesterday:  “When I’d heard that Amazon had agreed to host Wikileaks I was frankly surprised given all the fish a big corporation like Amazon has to fry with the federal government.”  That’s true of all large corporations that own media outlets — every one — and that is one big reason why they’re so servile to U.S. Government interests and easily manipulated by those in political power.  That’s precisely the dynamic Lieberman was exploiting with his menacing little phone call to Amazon (in essence:  Hi, this is the Senate’s Homeland Security Committee calling; you’re going to be taking down that WikiLeaks site right away, right?).  Amazon, of course, did what they were told.

Note that Lieberman here is desperate to prevent American citizens — not The Terrorists — from reading the WikiLeaks documents which shed light on what the U.S. Government is doing.  His concern is domestic consumption.  By his own account, he did this to “send a message to other companies that might host WikiLeaks” not to do so.  No matter what you think of WikiLeaks, they have never been charged with, let alone convicted of, any crime; Lieberman literally wants to dictate — unilaterally — what you can and cannot read on the Internet, to prevent Americans from accessing documents that much of the rest of the world is freely reading.

The Internet, of course, is rendering decrepit would-be petty tyrants like Lieberman impotent and obsolete:  WikiLeaks moved its website to a Swedish server and was accessible again within hours.  But any attempt by political officials to start blocking Americans’ access to political content on the Internet ought to provoke serious uproar and unrest. If the Tea Party movement and the Right generally were even minimally genuine in their ostensible beliefs, few things would trigger more intense objections than a political official trying to dictate to private actors which political content they should allow on the Internet (instead, you have Newt Gingrich demanding that Assange be declared an “enemy combatant” and Sarah Palin calling for his murder).  Remember, though — as The Post told us today — it’s “authoritarian governments and tightly controlled media in China and across the Arab Middle East” which are trying to prevent citizens from learning about the WikiLeaks documents.

Then we have this equally revealing passage from the Post article:

In many Arab countries, the mainstream media have largely avoided reporting on the sensitive contents of the cables, including accounts of Arab leaders drinking alcohol and siding with Israel in advocating a U.S. military strike on Iran’s nuclear facilities.

I genuinely laughed aloud when I read that.  Does anyone think that “the mainstream media” in the U.S. has reported much “on the sensitive contents of the cables” specifically or the WikiLeaks war documents generally?  I don’t mean salacious gossip or David-Sanger/Michael-Gordan-type Government-serving fear-mongering about America’s “enemies”  (Iran is operating in Iraq!!Iran is being armed by North Korea!!Arab dictators want Iran attacked!!).  I mean documents that reflect badly on what the U.S. Government is doing in the world.

Overwhelmingly, the reaction of establishment media figures has been to scorn these disclosures as somehow being both a Grave Threat and Nothing New.  Watch this short segment I did yesterday on MSNBC with Jonathan Capehart of TheWashington Post Editorial Page and former GOP Congresswoman Susan Molinari.  Technical difficulties impeded my participation, but what’s important is not really what I said, but what they said.  Two notes about it:  (1) Capehart, who calls himself a “journalist,” could not be more contemptuous of WikiLeaks as it shines a light on the U.S. government, and (2) the snickering and disdain toward Assange from Capehart and Molinari are indistinguishable — totally interchangeable — because there is no distinction between how most American “journalists” and how standard politicians think about those who are actually providing adversarial checks on U.S. political power; media and political figures are in the same undifferentiated class. (continued…)

Ladies and gentlemen, these people set — they opened the doors, they gave us the right, and today, ladies and gentlemen, in our cities and public schools we have 50% drop out. In our own neighborhood, we have men in prison. No longer is a person embarrassed because they’re pregnant without a husband. No longer is a boy considered an embarrassment if he tries to run away from being the father of the unmarried child
Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are not holding their end in this deal. In the neighborhood that most of us grew up in, parenting is not going on. In the old days, you couldn’t hooky school because every drawn shade was an eye. And before your mother got off the bus and to the house, she knew exactly where you had gone, who had gone into the house, and where you got on whatever you had one and where you got it from. Parents don’t know that today.